TIME: 11:11 PM, Thursday, in the Fall.
PLACE: At the window.
AT RISE: SMALL FRY, a dusty pair of tan cargo pants with a hole under the left knee, is rolling in a ball to the window, to have his weekly meeting with
SALAMANDER, an 18-foot tall giraffe who’s blind in the right eye. She is swaying to the right from the other side of the stage.
SMALL FRY: (Excited, exuberant) Hey Salamander! I think I’m gonna get out tonight!
SALAMANDER: (Know-it-all, annoyed) Here you go again, Small Fry, thinking you can accomplish the impossible.
SMALL FRY: But I really can this time! I came up with the perfect plan!
SALAMANDER: Alright, let’s hear the new one this time.
SMALL FRY: Can’t you be a little more supportive? I mean, this is my dream here.
SALAMANDER: Well, can’t you be a little more realistic? You do this every week. I mean, you’re just a pair of pants. You can’t get out of the drawer by
SMALL FRY: But this time the shorts are going to help me!
SALAMANDER: The shorts can’t help you, they’re too short to even open the drawer!
SMALL FRY: (Damn skippy I am!) I can get it by myself! I’ve been working out!
SALAMANDER: Small Fry, you’re just one pair of pants. You can’t do it by yourself.
SMALL FRY: (Like he has to get back at her) And you’re just one giraffe who’s blind in one eye.
SALAMANDER: (Kinda rude, but sympathetic) That’s different. I’m not trying to open a crammed dresser drawer without anybody else knowing.
SMALL FRY: Well, at least mine’s something I’m capable of doing. Yours can’t change.
SALAMANDER: (Sad tone) It’s not fair for you to say that. I was born with it.
SMALL FRY: (Compassionate) We’ll make a deal. If I get out tonight, I’ll go with you to find a zoo.
SALAMANDER: You don’t even believe in zoos. You think I’m an idiot for believing in them.
SMALL FRY: Of course I think you’re an idiot for believing in them. That’s not gonna take my bargain off the table. You help me, I’ll help you. You want me to come with you, I want you to believe in me.
SALAMANDER: Well what makes it change now? You’ve never offered this before. We’ve never even discussed this before.
SMALL FRY: I called you out, Salamander. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought up your eye. I want you to believe in me. And then maybe I can believe in you, too. I know you wanna be in the zoo. I know you don’t wanna worry about cheetahs, or lightning. Because the cheetahs come once a month and kill one of your pack members. You won’t have to worry about that anymore.
SALAMANDER: And what if you get caught, getting out?
SMALL FRY: I don’t care if I get caught, I don’t care if the other pants see my hole. I’ll go with you.
SALAMANDER: But it’s not gonna work. It just can’t. You’ve never even tried to open a drawer by yourself and you can’t now.
SMALL FRY: But it’s not gonna matter if I get caught. It’s not gonna matter if they see my hole. I’ll be with you.
SALAMANDER: I can’t just leave my pack. They’re out by the willow trees. I have to give them some notice.
SMALL FRY: But it’s okay. Once I’m out, we can go to your pack. And I’ll be clean!! I can shake myself! I’ve always wanted to. I’ve been waiting for 24 years. It’ll make me feel new!
SALAMANDER: But my pack doesn’t like you, remember? That’s why we have this special time every week to meet.
SMALL FRY: The other pants are gonna make fun of me, but I’m not gonna let that stop me. And this is for both of us.
SALAMANDER: I guess we can give it a try.